Eulogy for our mother

No matter how much you prepare yourself, losing a parent is one of the hardest things in life to go through. And doubly so when your parent is, was, as magnificent as our mother. But she would not want us to mourn her. She would want us to celebrate her, as she celebrated everyone in her life.

I don’t have a single good memory to share, or story to tell you. I knew her for approximately 18 271 days, or 600 months, or 50 years and nine days. I have too many memories and stories.

One of the things that was hard for me to accept for a long time was that our mother did not belong to me alone. She belonged to all of us, to the world.

Some people collect books, like me, others collect figurines. Our mother collected people. She loved so many people, and they all loved her back.

This disease that took her from us, from all of us, is so cruel in how it isolates the person affected from the world. And our mother, she belonged to the world, to all of you, all of us, and so many others, so the last year was very hard for her as she fell deeper and deeper into this isolation.

It robbed her of so much. And yet, here you all are, to celebrate her life, because it is not about one year, but about a life lived over a many decades and through many phases.

She taught all of us to live life in exuberance. She lived hers with gusto and abundant joy. She loved to eat good food, and to laugh. And her laugh was infectious. You could not help but laugh with her.

She brought passion to every thing she did, a passion that both of us, her biological children inherited, and a passion she inspired in many of the other children whose lives she touched in her years of teaching.

I have had so many reach out to me since she left us, and they all mentioned the deep impact she had on their lives, more so than any other teacher. And many of those completed high school more than thirty years ago.

Along with her passion, she taught us resilience. No matter how many times she was broken down, she built herself right back up, each time stronger than before, and made it look almost effortless.

But most of all, she taught us that love comes in different shapes and sizes, and it is not a finite resource. You can love many people without withholding from one.

In one of my favourite books, Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett, there is a line that reads “Do you not know that a man is not dead while his name is still spoken? No one is finally dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away, until the clock wound up winds down, until the wine she made has finished its ferment, until the crop they planted is harvested. The span of someone’s life is only the core of their actual existence.”

Let us let her ripples last as long as possible.

One song, more than any other, will always remind me of her, The Whole of the Moon by the Waterboys

I pictured a rainbow
You held it in your hands
I had flashes
But you saw the plan
I wandered out in the world for years
While you just stayed in your room
I saw the crescent
You saw the whole of the moon
The whole of the moon

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She loved this poem, and the amazing Michael Sheen delivers it with such power: Michael Sheen performs 'Do not go gentle into that good night' by Dylan Thomas (youtube.com)

The music of 2019

This has been a really good year for us, musically. We have attended a great number of gigs and seen some bands that we never thought would be possible. Here’s a nutshell view of the gigs we’ve been to this year.

Post-Modern Jukebox

In February, we headed off to Oxford for an evening with the magnificent Post Modern Jukebox for an evening of classic remakes of modern songs, and they certainly did not disappoint.

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Laibach

In March, we spent an evening with long-time loves, Slovenian avant-garde group Laibach. I’ve have loved Laibach since my late teens, and spending the evening with them was a really special moment for me. The fist half of the evening, they shared their documentary Liberation Day about going to North Korea with us, and then performed a number of beloved songs from the Sound of Music and more.

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Dead Can Dance

Dead Can Dance is one of the first bands that the husband and I shared a love for, and their music has been a constant in our lives both before we met and since then. In May, we were fortunate enough to experience the magnificence of Dead Can Dance live. Lisa Gerrard’s voice transported us to many worlds, and certainly did not disappoint. Paired with Brendan Perry’s vocals, and a blend of magical sounds, this is probably one of the best gigs we’ve ever been to, and one we will remember for a long time. It was also one of those once-in-a-lifetime experiences for us, as the band no longer plays gigs that regularly.

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Muse

In June, we headed off to the Olympic Park Stadium in London for an evening with Muse and friends. Muse is certainly worthy of such a big, magnificent venue and fills up the space with their sound and energy. Another great gig and night to remember.

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Nick Cave

Later in June, I spent an evening with Nick Cave for the very intimate Conversations with Nick Cave. It was an evening with just Nick Cave on stage with his piano and a microphone, answering questions from the audience, providing us with a glimpse into his mind and soul, and sharing the beauty of his music with us.

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Wacken Open Air

Going to Wacken has become a bit of an annual pilgrimage for us, returning to the Holy Metal land to watch as many bands as possible and being with the best community in the world, and this year was no exception. We saw a large number of bands as always, but for me the highlights were seeing The Sisters of Mercy, Brass Against, Facing the Gallows, Bloodywood, Hammerfall, Powerwolf and one of my new favourite bands, The Vintage Caravan.

Killswitch Engage

I joined the husband and some friends at the Killswitch Engage gig in London in October. They’re not typically my cup of tea, but it was a good night out and they certainly put on a good show.

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The Cult

Another favourite from my younger years is The Cult, and we were fortunate enough to catch their Sonic Temple tour in London in October. They were supported by The Last Internationale, which we’d never heard before but was absolutely phenomenal. Another bucket list band seen, and the support band has also made it into my regular playlist now.

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Opeth and The Vintage Caravan

October was a really busy month for us, as we also got to see Opeth, with The Vintage Caravan in support, towards the end of October. Opeth is one of my top 5 favourite bands at the moment, and seeing them live finally was a very special night for me.

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a-ha

a-ha was one of the first bands I ever loved, and the start of my musical love affair with the Nordic countries. Seeing them live at the Royal Albert Hall in November was truly special.

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Amon Amarth

Our last gig of the year was seeing Swedish greats Hypocrisy, Arch Enemy and Amon Amarth, at the end of November in London. Amon Amarth is another one of my current favourite bands, regularly featuring in my playlists, and seeing them live never disappoints. I’ve seen them a few times at Wacken, but this was the first time seeing them in a smaller setting – and it was still a spectacular event.

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Thank you to each of the bands we have seen, and every other band we listen to on a regular basis, for the music and the memories.

On holidays and anniversaries

The husband and I will be on an airplane to the old country for a bit of a seaside holiday a bit later this week. We are looking forward to the beach and the sunshine, but we are a little less than excited to be dealing with the South African issues. It will be good to see family and friends though, and there are a few foods we are looking forward to tasting again. And, of course, travelling back while earning pounds changes our spending ability a bit.

This month, it is two years since I moved over to the UK. The husband celebrates the same in November. This month, it is also a year since we both quit smoking. This is fairly significant for both of us, as we were both long-term smokers and it is the first time we have both been successful at quitting the stinky habit.

On Science Fiction

I have always loved stories, and have read widely since I could read, but few genres have captured me as much as Science Fiction, especially if it involves space.

The first Sci-Fi I remember capturing my attention was E.T. I was all of 8 years old, almost 9, when it was released, and I made my long-suffering family take me to the cinema several times to watch it. I know they took turns, and I ended up seeing it 9 times in the cinema. By the last time, I could just about recite every word, and started crying when the yellow flowers drooped.

There have been many many stories since then, from Starman to Star Trek, Stargate and, of course, Star Wars. My love for everything with the word Star in it is no secret, really.

But even if there wasn’t Star in the name, if it was Science Fiction and set in space, you can pretty much guarantee that I watched it, and loved it quite a bit. I’m looking at you, Farscape, but not forgetting Andromeda, Battelstar Galactica, Lexx, and so many more.

Here is my confession. I have never really been big on reading SciFi. Sure, I read some of it – Dune mostly – but have, for the most part, not really included space operas in my reading, often because I steered clear of reading series of any kind, and preferred stand-alone stories.

Then, two years ago, I discovered The Expanse. A colleague told me about the books, but I had a fair bit going on in my life at the time (like planning moving my family to a new continent) that I didn’t quite pay attention. When the series was released on Netflix, I thought I would give a go. And I was hooked. In the two weeks that I was alone in the UK waiting for my family to arrive, I watched season 1 another two times through, and when season 2 was made available on Netflix, I devoured it (and rewatched). And then broke down and started buying the books, which just cemented my love for this series.

I woke up on Friday morning to the news that SyFy has decided effectively cancel the TV series. My heart has been broken since. But we, the fans, have been campaigning Amazon and Netflix since then to pick up the show, and maybe, just maybe, there is hope for future seasons.

On Sword Bearers

I got to see my favourite vikings, Ensiferum, live in London last night. It is the first time in 7 years I’ve seen them live, and it was simply perfect.

On Outings and New Loves

On Friday, the husband and I headed out into London for a bit of a celebration, as it was our anniversary recently and his birthday next week. He wanted to go see Epica, so we headed off to the O2 Forum in Kentish Town for a night of good metal.

While Epica have filtered into my playlists here and there, I have to admit that I was not overly familiar with their music and could not really call myself a fan. I had also not heard of the two supporting acts before.

When we walked in, Oceans of Slumber were on stage already and well into their set. Unfortunately, it was not a sound that grabbed me. The lead singer had an amazing voice, but, to me, it seemed like the rest of the music did not support her voice – instead, it seemed to be a bit of a competitive situation on stage, as if three different bands were trying to play at the same time. I was surprised to discover they have been going since 2011 and have 3 albums under their belt already.

I will try and listen to their studio albums before passing final judgement some time, but it will take some convincing for them to make it into any of my playlists on a full time basis.

Next up was Myrkur. I’d never heard of them, unfortunately, but within 10 seconds of their first song, I declared my undying love, and immediately followed them on Spotify.

I would offer up my soul or a bowl of lentils for more of this, and look forward to listening to Myrkur a LOT more in future.

Epica put on a fantastic show. They are engaging and entertaining, and really know how to get the crowd involved in the show. Simone Simons has a lovely voice and a fantastic energy, and they are certainly fabulous musicians too, and will also definitely become a more regular feature of my playlists. But, for me, the show was stolen by the synth/piano player, Coen Janssen, who rolled the synth around like a scooter when not playing, and acting out the songs in the most comedic ways. He had me in stiches at time, and it was wonderful. It is great to see a metal band who, while playing fairly serious music, doesn’t take things too seriously.

All in all, a great night out, and the O2 Forum is definitely a great venue – small enough to be intimate while big enough to fit big sound without feeling crowded and claustrophobic.

One of the perks of travelling as much for work as I do is that I get to rake up hotel loyalty points, which allows us to stay in places that may not always be possible. For my birthday, we visited Cardiff and stayed in a hotel there using loyalty points, so for the husband’s birthday, I decided we would do the same. We were fortunate enough to get a great room at a hotel in Islington with a lovely view of the London skyline.

On Saturday, we went for a walk-around Greenwich, which I think is one of my favourite areas of London. The husband had not been there before, so I had to go show him around the Old Royal Naval College, which was also the set for a famous scene in Thor: The Dark World and makes for gorgeous photos too.

Spring finally decided to arrive in England yesterday, and, when the sun shines, this is truly a glorious place to be.

Our next big outing will be going to see Ensiferum and Ex Deo at the O2 Academy in Islington on 1 May, and the ability to do these things is one of the main reasons we wanted to live in the UK and so close to London. I am ridiculously exited for this concert, because Ensiferum has been one of my favourite bands for the last 8 years or so, and I have recently fallen a little bit in love with Ex Deo.

On Eisenbahnliebe and a cat

I have always had a fondness for larger modes of transport, and, in particular, trains and airplanes. One of my earliest nightmares is being stuck inside a car, while one of my favourite memories is my paternal grandmother taking me on a train journey from our home town to Pretoria, where my grandparents lived. She would pack a lovely picnic basket, and take the train all the way from Pretoria to collect me in our town, and then ride all the way back with me. We had our own compartment, and I would listen to the clickety-clack of the wheels on the rail all the way.

My husband and I visited Germany a few times while we lived in South Africa, and I would make sure to plan long railway journeys as part of our visits. We took the train from Frankfurt to various big cities, through the Black Forest and across the breadth of Germany, and it was glorious. The clickety-clack of the wheels on the rail is gone, and the trains now move at 230km/hour or faster, but the love for the long metal tubes has not diminished.

In South Africa, I got to use the Gautrain on a regular basis, which reminded me a little of the high speed ICE trains in Germany, and introduced me to using trains as part of my daily commute, and I loved it. And now, living in the UK, this is my daily life. I have been fortunate enough to use trains to criss-cross this beautiful country over the last 18 months, and I am still in awe of this marvelous creation. And while not all trains are equal, I really enjoy the experience of being on a train, and simply cannot imagine travelling any other way.

And, with that, I leave you with a picture of our neighbour’s cat, who frequently comes around to greet us, and may, on occassion, follow us around the estate. He is also not terribly fond of taking pictures, so this is a rare, unblurry photo of him.

On Anger, Change and moments

“Granny Weatherwax was often angry. She considered it one of her strong points. Genuine anger was one of the world's greatest creative forces. But you had to learn how to control it. That didn't mean you let it trickle away. It meant you dammed it, carefully, let it develop a working head, let it drown whole valleys of the mind and then, just when the whole structure was about to collapse, opened a tiny pipeline at the base and let the iron-hard stream of wrath power the turbines of revenge.”

― Terry Pratchett, Wyrd Sisters

I have always been angry, in varying degrees. As a teenager, I was a ball of undirected anger that rebelled against pretty much anything I could without even thinking. And, while the anger is still there like a warm comforting ball in my stomach, I have managed to tame it a little, and use it, much like Granny Weatherwax and her creator, the great Pterry. Recently, I have been angry about politics again, especially US politics. And I have not been sure why a South African expat living in the UK would be so angry about US politics…

When learning about the Nazi regime in Germany, the question is often how did it happen? Surely not all Germans were complicit? Surely not all Germans believed in the concentration camps, and death camps? And we must remember that it didn’t start with death camps and firing squads. It started with right wing rhetoric and little liberties removed. And as much as we, as a human race, say never again, we are watching the same shit unfold in the US.

And the rising violence in the US is scaring me and making me angry at the same time. School shootings are a particular horror that I am not sure how to deal with. One of the reasons we left our home country behind was to try and give our child a safer, better future, but I never ever had to worry about my child having to face that kind of ordeal at school. No parent should ever have to face that fear or bury their child because of senseless violence. I do not want to imagine what it much be like to be a parent in the US, and my heart aches for every parent that has had to deal with this loss.

And there have been a lot of them. There have been 7 school shootings and 18 gun-related incidents at schools this year alone and it is only mid-February. And yet politicians make statements like guns are not the problem, and some even recommend putting more guns into schools by having armed security guards on school grounds. As if more guns will solve the problem of gun violence. But are we surprised, considering Cruella DeVille is the Secretary of Education. Her who won’t create safe spaces for transgendered students. or any students, really, for that matter.

A friend on Facebook shared this slam poetry video, and I thought it was really appropriate to share again now, as he is far more eloquent on this topic and says everything I want to say but cannot get out in a coherent sentence because of the anger and fear wrapped so tightly around my heart.

In other news, Jacob Zuma left office in South Africa this week, much against his own will but the country will be better off without him in the driving seat. I have always had some concerns about Cyril Ramaphosa, but I do believe that his background in both trade union work and as a successful business person makes him a far better candidate than the man who sold out our beautiful country. The king is dead, long live the king.

I spent most of this week away from home travelling to customers, visiting first Knutsford and then Leeds. While it is always hard being away from my family, I do enjoy the opportunities to see different parts of the country (and the world) and capturing moments with my camera.

On aging up and memories

Twenty one years ago, my life changed forever. This wonderful little human came into my life and gave me a reason to live and be the best me I can ever be.

I dug out some of our photos of this person from the last twenty one years, and tried to distil this down to my favourites, which has proven to be really hard.

I like this picture of us so much, with my mom in the background. My mom then was the same age as I am now.

When our offspring was a baby, I tried to record some of their growth by making hand and foot prints. Look how much they have grown since then

And then, how do you capture twenty one years of moments into one blog post? How do you choose your favourite moments with your child? I am grateful that I try and record every moment with my camera, and even more grateful that I live in a age of digital photography.

I am honoured to be your mother. You have taught us so much about life and about being good humans. I am immensely proud of the human you have become and look forward to seeing where your journey takes you.