16 October 2021

my dad is gone

My dad left us seven weeks ago. I've not really been able to get the words out since then. 
It is a hard thing, losing a parent. Especially if they are still on the younger side.
I mean, you never really accept that your parents are mortal. When you're a kid, they are your world, they are superheroes, even if they are flawed, and you believe they will be there forever. 

Our relationship was complicated. I have fond memories, and some really shitty ones. I try and focus on the good, but so much of my adult journey is because of the challenges he placed on my path.
For so long, I carried around so much anger towards him, and it is hard to let go of some of it.
But there is quite a lot of him in me. 

I loved him, and I miss him. I wish we could have one more visit. I wish he would send me one more joke.

Rest peacefully old man. At least his pain is over now. 

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