29 January 2012

Sunday 8:23

I have so much to say, but I can’t spill a word. My heart is broken, and I cannot tell you why. I really hate being in this situation, and will at least say that I hate being in this situation, despite my decision not to talk about it, and not to spew negativity anymore. But it should all be over in the next week or so. No, it is not family related. And yes, I will talk about it once it is all done. Expect angsty bad poetry coming soon.

Ensiferum petriiiSo what I will talk about is my massive, massive crush on Ensiferum. I really don’t know why, but there is something about this band that makes me want more, no matter how much I listen to them. I also happen to have a small crush on Petri Lindroos (<< picture found on tumblr). I am disappointed, however, with local music stores, as I have been unable to locate a single piece of merchandise. Luckily we are visiting Germany in 52 days’ time (*panic*), and I figured I will find some merch while I am there.

Oh gods, yes. We are on our way back to Germany for another visit. And I don’t feel quite as prepared as I did last time. And then again, I feel more prepared. Last item outstanding is the visa, which we’ll go sort out in the next two weeks or so. Oh, and some money, as we had to fix our car recently which gobbled up the savings we had so far for this trip. But as the days creep closer, panic sets in a little, because I haven’t even booked our visa appointment yet. We were waiting for my daughter’s unabridged birth certificate, which we picked up yesterday, so we now have 90% of the documentation together, which means I really can book the visa appointment now.
I am really looking forward to this trip for so many reasons, including the fact that my best friend and her husband will spend a week-end with us – she lives in the UK, so we don’t see each other nearly as often as we would like. I am also rather excited to visit Munich and Legoland and Austria for a day and the castles and going back to Hamburg and Bremen and Frankfurt and seeing the bridge with the locks and going to visit the Saturn store in Hamburg and seeing the country in Spring and the chances of snow and. Breathe.

My daughter is turning 15 soon. It is causing me some stress, because I have to face the fact that I am no longer a twentysomething anymore. It is strange how my daughter’s birthdays sink in deeper than my own. My daughter turning 15 is stressing me out more than the fact that I am 2 years away from 40. But she is such an awesome human being and as she gets older we can chat about more topics so I think I will survive.

I just don’t want to waste a single moment anymore.

2 comments:

Emm said...

I don't like it when you're not happy. If there is anything I can do to help at all, let me know. I'm really just a phone call away with this Foocall app.

I'm not in such a great place myself although I think mine is just a case of the Januaries and the urgent requirement of a confidence transplant. But there was a line in this post that really cheered me up, for many very good reasons! I cannot wait until March.

Vanessa Bruwer said...

Thanks - have downloaded Foocall :)

March March March!

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